Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
A bitchslap is in order.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
