Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize