i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize