he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
They have beer where we have blood.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
