So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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