I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need water and some morals
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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