I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
