I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
