did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dear god my vagina.
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