i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
