you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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