so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize