there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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