Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So drunk its hurt
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
