we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
