well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
