I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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