My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize