I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
