he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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