Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize