I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
