The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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