his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
