Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
