I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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