uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
