Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
