i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
