Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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