I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
