waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Randomize