i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
