You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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