I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
