rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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