this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
