im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
