I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
