You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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