we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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