You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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