She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
