i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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