I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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