I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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