Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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