i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
