she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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