O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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