my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
