I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
