Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
