Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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