Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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