she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
