she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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