there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
