Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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