I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
