I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
