hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
