Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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