The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
