It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Be still, my beating vagina.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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