Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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