I bet he comes in French.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
