Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
