what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
