im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
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