I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My ass is underappreciated
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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