my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
