I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
