we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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