Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
