please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
