so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
someone owes me an orgasm
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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