she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
