Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
