this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
