We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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