i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
