belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
