the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
