Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
