Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
