you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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