so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
