Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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