C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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