i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
