Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
