Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
