If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize