Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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