Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
