apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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