dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
