Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
