Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
