If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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