so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
