Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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