Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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