hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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