Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
