Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
