Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
