My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
