Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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